Browsing All posts tagged under »Politics«

Rewriting History: Archie Bunker

November 13, 2016


Bunker, a lovable old coot with passionate opinions about “spics, coons, fags, and queers,” was a refreshing reminder that old-world white male attitudes were still acceptable in the changing moral climate of the early 1970s. ‘All in the Family,’ the TV show that launched the Archie Bunker character into American popular culture, was initially interpreted […]

American Masters on PBS: Nutty About the Nuge

August 16, 2015


The American Masters series and the Jane Goodall Foundation for Excellence in Simian Endeavors join forces for the first time to explore the life and work of musician, pundit, dried animal jerky entrepreneur and unincarcerated pedophile Ted Nugent, a human/orangutan halfbreed, who has had an extraordinary career in the musical arts. Filmmakers Derek Ben-Duron and […]

Fox & Friends Blows Lid Off Obama’s Secret Underground Alien Sex Colony

October 9, 2013


New York, NY The Fox News Network’s morning show: Fox & Friends, continued a recent hot streak Wednesday when host Steve Doocy revealed details of an underground alien sex colony in Kenya operated by President Obama and other top Democrats. “President Barack Hussein Obama and his liberal harem have, for years, been re-routing defense department […]

100 Year-Old Jimmy Hoffa Found Working as Informant for Federal Jimmy Hoffa Task Force

June 19, 2013


Phoenix, AZ The search for Jimmy Hoffa’s body ended Tuesday when federal authorities found the former Teamster’s president dialing in a “tip” to FBI agents from a pay phone in his Phoenix-area assisted living facility. “My guy in New York says you need to look under the KFC on West Grand Boulevard in Melvindale,” Hoffa […]

Big Bird to Moderate Tonight’s Presidential Debate; Missing Jim Lehrer Feared Euthanized

October 9, 2012


PBS executives today announced plans to install iconic muppet Big Bird in the moderator’s chair for Tuesday night’s presidential debate. In related events, Thursday’s previously scheduled moderator – CNN chief political correspondent Candy Crowley – and former moderator Jim Lehrer, are both reported missing. Big Bird, the feathery, relentlessly upbeat 8-foot yellow muppet of unknown […]

GOP: Obama Also Stole Nation’s Onion Ring Supply

August 30, 2012


GOP Convention- Tampa, FL Continuing to blame the Obama administration for a host of perceived transgressions and failures, GOP lawmakers hammered the President Wednesday for failing to discover the lost city of Atlantis and for not inventing a 12-cylinder sports car that runs on Mountain Dew, among other things. “President Obama promised to keep our […]

Chick-fil-A Supporters Speak Out Against Gay Chickens

August 1, 2012


Two weeks after Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy stirred controversy by revealing a financial connection between Chick-fil-A and anti-homosexual groups, Chick-fil-A supporters are fed up. Stung by accusations of intolerance and adamant that being intolerant is a way of exercising their free speech, many are speaking out against what they perceive to be an unjust prejudice […]

Chick-fil-A to Serve Only “Gay Chicken” Sandwiches at New Boston Franchise

July 26, 2012


Boston, MA Representatives of Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A today announced an agreement with Boston city officials to allow for the opening of a Chick-fil-A franchise by the end of 2012. According to sources, Boston’s Chick-fil-A store will serve “only chicken sandwiches made from gay and lesbian chickens,” as a condition of the agreement. The news comes on the […]

Doppelgangers! A Republican Parlor Game

July 23, 2012


Wisconsin Man Describes Inexplicable Urge to “Punch Mitt Romney in the Face”

July 9, 2012


A Wisconsin man gave voice to a growing conservative uncertainty Friday when he went public with a bizarre claim of blood lust. “I want to punch Mitt Romney in the face and I don’t know why,” a visibly confused J. Stanford Williams proclaimed. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” “I don’t know what it is,” he […]

Strange Details Surface Regarding Kim Kardashian and Osama bin Laden, FBI Reports

June 28, 2012


Former al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden successfully avoided capture by hiding in Kim Kardashian’s rear end for 2 years, according to a new FBI report. The document, entitled “Examining al-Qaeda Evasion Techniques” and leaked to news outlets Wednesday, describes how the terrorist leader reportedly ensconced himself in the reality star’s posterior after she passed-out one […]

Cheddar Cheese Statue of Abe Lincoln Elected to SC Congressional Seat

June 27, 2012


Jasper, SC Citizens of South Carolina’s 2nd congressional district voted Tuesday to elect a cheddar cheese-statue of Abraham Lincoln to the House of Representatives, becoming the first district in American history to send an inanimate object to Congress. The general election comes on the heels of the conviction of former 2nd district congressman, Enos “Billy […]

Angry Mime Upset No One Appreciating How Angry He Really Is

June 21, 2012


Cincinnati, OH Monsieur Misto, a Cincinnati street performer famous for haunting the picnic areas of Fernbank Park, revealed Tuesday that his love affair with the art of mime is over as he now finds it an inadequate medium through which to express the full depth of his rage and hostility towards the world. Misto, commonly […]

Ghost of Kim Jong-il to Host This Year’s Golden Globe Awards

December 20, 2011


Los Angeles, CA The Hollywood Foreign Press Association today announced that the misty, disembodied spirit of Kim Jong-il will serve as host of the 2012 Golden Globe Awards, fulfilling a life long dream for the recently deceased North Korean dictator. Jong-il, the creative force behind such North Korean cinema classics as “Make Wash Plain Grey […]

Desperate Rick Perry Wants to Know What’s Bothering You- So He Can Create A YouTube Spot That Specifically Addresses Your Needs

December 9, 2011


Austin, Texas Using the script from his Strong video as a template, Rick Perry is reportedly holed up in the Texas governor’s mansion, standing in front of a green-screen as he attempts to create over 3 thousand YouTube videos and cover every issue important to American voters, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it […]

A Message to the Ladies from Herman Cain, On the Occasion of His Withdrawal From Presidential Consideration

December 4, 2011


Ladies, I can only assume you’ve heard the news. I can only imagine how upset you must be. Well, it’s true- I was recently forced to resign my bid for the presidency due to a few ungrateful bitches deleterious circumstances beyond my control. I’m saddened to report that Herman Cain will not be your next president. I’m […]

Election 2012- Tales From the Republican Funhouse: Part 3

October 26, 2011


The Whitest White Guy I Know; Last Man Standing Division Mitt Romney Of all the Republicans afflicted with oval office-itis (of those with an actual shot at the nomination, that is), I think I like Mitt Romney the most. By “like” I mean “am least disturbed by his particular brand of oily bullshit…” by “most” […]

Election 2012- Tales From the Republican Funhouse: Part 2

October 23, 2011


Part 2 in a three-part series where we handicap the candidates for the Republican nomination (check out Part 1 here). A quick recap: No Chance In Hell; Eminence Grise Division: Newt Gingrich  Newt Gingrich, blah blah corpulent troll blah blah black magic blah blah occult blah blah eek! blah blah blah.   No Chance In Hell; […]

Election 2012- Tales from the Republican Funhouse: Part 1

October 20, 2011


Las Vegas, Tues. October 19th Not a week after Hank Williams Jr. earned the ire of Fox News Corp. by comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler on the Fox and Friends morning show, and word is filtering through the crowd here that the man himself may make an appearance at tonight’s Republican debate. It sounds […]

Texas Governor Rick Perry Is Not A Racist: A Plea For Sanity

October 8, 2011


It’s been a big story over the last few weeks; that the family of Texas governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry owned and operated a hunting camp in West Texas known as “Niggerhead.” Apparently, the word was painted on a big flat rock by the entrance to the camp, announcing the name to all who passed […]

Vanderbilt Study Names Rick Santorum Public Figure “Most Likely to Have Sex With a Goat”

August 11, 2011


Researchers at Vanderbilt University’s School of Behavioral Science are on the verge of publishing a study which could have a significant impact on the 2012 race for the Republican presidential nomination. Details, which have already been leaked to several major news outlets, involve an innovative new method for predicting deviant sexual behavior in humans. The […]

The Partisanship Chronicles: Vol.1 or “Why I Stopped Voting for Nader”

August 2, 2011


A couple of weeks ago I came across an interesting sight; I was driving by the post office up the street from my house when I saw 2 men standing around a card table, waving to passing cars. They had a sign out front that read, “Stop here to stop Obama.” They also had an […]