Browsing All posts tagged under »Mitt Romney«

Big Bird to Moderate Tonight’s Presidential Debate; Missing Jim Lehrer Feared Euthanized

October 9, 2012


PBS executives today announced plans to install iconic muppet Big Bird in the moderator’s chair for Tuesday night’s presidential debate. In related events, Thursday’s previously scheduled moderator – CNN chief political correspondent Candy Crowley – and former moderator Jim Lehrer, are both reported missing. Big Bird, the feathery, relentlessly upbeat 8-foot yellow muppet of unknown […]

Tales from the Republican Funhouse- Part 4: Things I Learned Watching the GOP Convention

August 29, 2012


Tampa, FL It seemed cosmically appropriate that Hurricane Isaac would be bearing down on New Orleans as the GOP broke out their fiddles last night. Even more appropriate that Chris Christie, the party’s Nero-sized bacchanalian superhero-in-waiting, would be on hand to give the keynote address. What commenced during a program of me-first showmanship most notable […]

Doppelgangers! A Republican Parlor Game

July 23, 2012


Wisconsin Man Describes Inexplicable Urge to “Punch Mitt Romney in the Face”

July 9, 2012


A Wisconsin man gave voice to a growing conservative uncertainty Friday when he went public with a bizarre claim of blood lust. “I want to punch Mitt Romney in the face and I don’t know why,” a visibly confused J. Stanford Williams proclaimed. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” “I don’t know what it is,” he […]

Election 2012- Tales From the Republican Funhouse: Part 3

October 26, 2011


The Whitest White Guy I Know; Last Man Standing Division Mitt Romney Of all the Republicans afflicted with oval office-itis (of those with an actual shot at the nomination, that is), I think I like Mitt Romney the most. By “like” I mean “am least disturbed by his particular brand of oily bullshit…” by “most” […]