Browsing All Posts filed under »Politics«

Rewriting History: Archie Bunker

November 13, 2016

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Bunker, a lovable old coot with passionate opinions about “spics, coons, fags, and queers,” was a refreshing reminder that old-world white male attitudes were still acceptable in the changing moral climate of the early 1970s. ‘All in the Family,’ the TV show that launched the Archie Bunker character into American popular culture, was initially interpreted […]

An Idea Worth Considering: Tom Waits for President

August 9, 2016

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It’s here again: presidential general election season. Time, once more, to suffer through those ridiculous talking points and attack ads as the usual passel of rented baboons tries to bum-rush the electorate and steal the brass ring. It’s enough to make your brain go soft. Is Tom Waits such an outrageous choice for President? Can […]

Fox & Friends Blows Lid Off Obama’s Secret Underground Alien Sex Colony

October 9, 2013

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New York, NY The Fox News Network’s morning show: Fox & Friends, continued a recent hot streak Wednesday when host Steve Doocy revealed details of an underground alien sex colony in Kenya operated by President Obama and other top Democrats. “President Barack Hussein Obama and his liberal harem have, for years, been re-routing defense department […]

100 Year-Old Jimmy Hoffa Found Working as Informant for Federal Jimmy Hoffa Task Force

June 19, 2013

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Phoenix, AZ The search for Jimmy Hoffa’s body ended Tuesday when federal authorities found the former Teamster’s president dialing in a “tip” to FBI agents from a pay phone in his Phoenix-area assisted living facility. “My guy in New York says you need to look under the KFC on West Grand Boulevard in Melvindale,” Hoffa […]

Big Bird to Moderate Tonight’s Presidential Debate; Missing Jim Lehrer Feared Euthanized

October 9, 2012

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PBS executives today announced plans to install iconic muppet Big Bird in the moderator’s chair for Tuesday night’s presidential debate. In related events, Thursday’s previously scheduled moderator – CNN chief political correspondent Candy Crowley – and former moderator Jim Lehrer, are both reported missing. Big Bird, the feathery, relentlessly upbeat 8-foot yellow muppet of unknown […]

GOP: Obama Also Stole Nation’s Onion Ring Supply

August 30, 2012

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GOP Convention- Tampa, FL Continuing to blame the Obama administration for a host of perceived transgressions and failures, GOP lawmakers hammered the President Wednesday for failing to discover the lost city of Atlantis and for not inventing a 12-cylinder sports car that runs on Mountain Dew, among other things. “President Obama promised to keep our […]

Tales from the Republican Funhouse- Part 4: Things I Learned Watching the GOP Convention

August 29, 2012

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Tampa, FL It seemed cosmically appropriate that Hurricane Isaac would be bearing down on New Orleans as the GOP broke out their fiddles last night. Even more appropriate that Chris Christie, the party’s Nero-sized bacchanalian superhero-in-waiting, would be on hand to give the keynote address. What commenced during a program of me-first showmanship most notable […]

Batman and Akin; the Continuing Adventures

August 22, 2012

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Chick-fil-A Supporters Speak Out Against Gay Chickens

August 1, 2012

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Two weeks after Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy stirred controversy by revealing a financial connection between Chick-fil-A and anti-homosexual groups, Chick-fil-A supporters are fed up. Stung by accusations of intolerance and adamant that being intolerant is a way of exercising their free speech, many are speaking out against what they perceive to be an unjust prejudice […]

Chick-fil-A to Serve Only “Gay Chicken” Sandwiches at New Boston Franchise

July 26, 2012

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Boston, MA Representatives of Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A today announced an agreement with Boston city officials to allow for the opening of a Chick-fil-A franchise by the end of 2012. According to sources, Boston’s Chick-fil-A store will serve “only chicken sandwiches made from gay and lesbian chickens,” as a condition of the agreement. The news comes on the […]

Doppelgangers! A Republican Parlor Game

July 23, 2012

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Wisconsin Man Describes Inexplicable Urge to “Punch Mitt Romney in the Face”

July 9, 2012

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A Wisconsin man gave voice to a growing conservative uncertainty Friday when he went public with a bizarre claim of blood lust. “I want to punch Mitt Romney in the face and I don’t know why,” a visibly confused J. Stanford Williams proclaimed. “I can’t stop thinking about it.” “I don’t know what it is,” he […]

Strange Details Surface Regarding Kim Kardashian and Osama bin Laden, FBI Reports

June 28, 2012

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Former al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden successfully avoided capture by hiding in Kim Kardashian’s rear end for 2 years, according to a new FBI report. The document, entitled “Examining al-Qaeda Evasion Techniques” and leaked to news outlets Wednesday, describes how the terrorist leader reportedly ensconced himself in the reality star’s posterior after she passed-out one […]

Cheddar Cheese Statue of Abe Lincoln Elected to SC Congressional Seat

June 27, 2012

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Jasper, SC Citizens of South Carolina’s 2nd congressional district voted Tuesday to elect a cheddar cheese-statue of Abraham Lincoln to the House of Representatives, becoming the first district in American history to send an inanimate object to Congress. The general election comes on the heels of the conviction of former 2nd district congressman, Enos “Billy […]

Ghost of Kim Jong-il to Host This Year’s Golden Globe Awards

December 20, 2011

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Los Angeles, CA The Hollywood Foreign Press Association today announced that the misty, disembodied spirit of Kim Jong-il will serve as host of the 2012 Golden Globe Awards, fulfilling a life long dream for the recently deceased North Korean dictator. Jong-il, the creative force behind such North Korean cinema classics as “Make Wash Plain Grey […]

Desperate Rick Perry Wants to Know What’s Bothering You- So He Can Create A YouTube Spot That Specifically Addresses Your Needs

December 9, 2011

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Austin, Texas Using the script from his Strong video as a template, Rick Perry is reportedly holed up in the Texas governor’s mansion, standing in front of a green-screen as he attempts to create over 3 thousand YouTube videos and cover every issue important to American voters, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it […]

A Message to the Ladies from Herman Cain, On the Occasion of His Withdrawal From Presidential Consideration

December 4, 2011

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Ladies, I can only assume you’ve heard the news. I can only imagine how upset you must be. Well, it’s true- I was recently forced to resign my bid for the presidency due to a few ungrateful bitches deleterious circumstances beyond my control. I’m saddened to report that Herman Cain will not be your next president. I’m […]

WalMart Officials Apologize for Under-Performing Chinese Labor Slaves

November 29, 2011

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Faced with a projected shortage of Christmas product this holiday season, sheepish WalMart executives are apologizing for the lack of production in their Chinese slave factories. “It’s not something we saw coming,” laments Owen Morrell, WalMart’s acting International Minister of Youth Deployment, “but it’s something we should have been on top of.” As demand begins to […]

A Special Message From Herman Cain to Unemployed Women Everywhere

November 9, 2011

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Ladies, There’s an awful lot of sexual harassment talk going around right now. I’m sure you’ve heard it. People are saying that Herman Cain takes advantage of women. They’re saying that Herman Cain is a perv. That he’s skeevy. Well, I’m here to say that Herman Cain absolutely and unequivocally has not done any of […]

Election 2012- Tales From the Republican Funhouse: Part 3

October 26, 2011

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The Whitest White Guy I Know; Last Man Standing Division Mitt Romney Of all the Republicans afflicted with oval office-itis (of those with an actual shot at the nomination, that is), I think I like Mitt Romney the most. By “like” I mean “am least disturbed by his particular brand of oily bullshit…” by “most” […]

Election 2012- Tales From the Republican Funhouse: Part 2

October 23, 2011

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Part 2 in a three-part series where we handicap the candidates for the Republican nomination (check out Part 1 here). A quick recap: No Chance In Hell; Eminence Grise Division: Newt Gingrich  Newt Gingrich, blah blah corpulent troll blah blah black magic blah blah occult blah blah eek! blah blah blah.   No Chance In Hell; […]

Election 2012- Tales from the Republican Funhouse: Part 1

October 20, 2011

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Las Vegas, Tues. October 19th Not a week after Hank Williams Jr. earned the ire of Fox News Corp. by comparing President Obama to Adolph Hitler on the Fox and Friends morning show, and word is filtering through the crowd here that the man himself may make an appearance at tonight’s Republican debate. It sounds […]

Texas Governor Rick Perry Is Not A Racist: A Plea For Sanity

October 8, 2011

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It’s been a big story over the last few weeks; that the family of Texas governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry owned and operated a hunting camp in West Texas known as “Niggerhead.” Apparently, the word was painted on a big flat rock by the entrance to the camp, announcing the name to all who passed […]

Vanderbilt Study Names Rick Santorum Public Figure “Most Likely to Have Sex With a Goat”

August 11, 2011

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Researchers at Vanderbilt University’s School of Behavioral Science are on the verge of publishing a study which could have a significant impact on the 2012 race for the Republican presidential nomination. Details, which have already been leaked to several major news outlets, involve an innovative new method for predicting deviant sexual behavior in humans. The […]

The Partisanship Chronicles: Vol.1 or “Why I Stopped Voting for Nader”

August 2, 2011

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A couple of weeks ago I came across an interesting sight; I was driving by the post office up the street from my house when I saw 2 men standing around a card table, waving to passing cars. They had a sign out front that read, “Stop here to stop Obama.” They also had an […]

Keef and Bill Re-Enact ‘My Dinner With Andre’

July 8, 2011

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First saw this picture in the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Great caption, too: “Spying police outside, Richards talked Clinton into carrying his doggy bag.” And that got my mind to thinking… It’s difficult trying to imagine these two debating the Iranian nuclear dilemma over snackies and drinks at some chi chi New York supper […]