About

The Furious Machine FAQ

Who is Furious Machine?

I’m a writer and musician with above-average knife skills who makes excellent whisky sours. I crave moonlight. Direct contact with rainwater turns me into a frothy puddle of non-hydrogenated oils and solids.

In a previous life (the early 1900’s), I was an illusionist who barnstormed the southern states with Cornelius Gentry and His Masters of the Fantastic. Later, I built Los Angeles.

Who are your heroes?

Hunter Thompson, Lowell George, Bill Hicks, Shingai Shoniwa, Pam Grier. I’m also a huge fan of the guy who played Herb Tarlek on WKRP in Cincinnati and the #7 lunch special at Cheoy Lee’s Restaurant.

At an early age, you…

At an early age, I became aware that my neighbors were not who they appeared to be. That is to say – they were not accountants from Dubuque and they knew much more about our country’s missile defense system than seemed reasonable or appropriate.

Describe for us an average day in your life. Be brief.

After breakfast I clean the tiger cages and test the locks on the front gate. If it’s sunny, I’ll take the machete up into the forest and lay more trail for the jeeps and the transport vehicles. 4 pm is cocktail hour, when I put on white linen and make mojitos. I finish every day with a moonlight swim – the water here is very blue.

Finish this sentence: The monkeys all fell through the glass screaming and landed in a glorious heap at the foot of the _______.

Bishop, who couldn’t help but notice the stench.

What happened with you and that actress?

It wasn’t meant to be. I will say this, though – we’ll always have Texas.

Politics?

I’m a registered Independent. That said, I’m not crazy about the modern Republican party- you might have noticed. If you’re a Republican, don’t take it personally; I don’t care much for the Democrats either, it’s just not as satisfying to make fun of them.

What’s up with this Keith Richards thing you have?

Keith Richards is a rich, wonderful spice of a writing concept that adapts to any mood or occasion. Keith on Mars? Sure. How about Jurassic Keith becoming the missing evolutionary link? You bet. There is no story or concept that wouldn’t benefit from a Keith Richards deployment- he’s like a chain-smoking, Jack Daniels-belting linguistic special forces operative always available to be chopper-lifted into your next blog post.

How can we contact you when we need our drinks refilled?

thefuriousmachine@gmail.com

4 Responses “About” →
  1. You’re costing me more time than I can afford, dammit.

    There’s a new way to drink, and I wasn’t advised? Typical — here I am just opening the head and pouring it in, same as forever, always behind the wave …

    Reply
  2. Hi…I wanted to let you know I like your blog and have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog award. No worries if you don’t like participating in awards. Thank you!

    http://dontquotelily.wordpress.com/2012/07/18/you-are-all-so-lovely/

    Reply
  3. After reading this page, I feel like I know you yet I don’t know you at all.
    I’m okay with that…

    Reply

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