Why Airlines Should Hire Mimes to Give the In-Flight Safety Demo

Posted on July 20, 2014

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Observations from a recent plane trip to FLA…Screen Shot 2014-07-20 at 1.54.08 PM

I’ve never understood why airlines don’t hire mimes to do the in-flight safety demonstration. Seems like such a missed opportunity. Can’t you picture a mime walking you through the life vest safety procedure with his invisible safety vest? He’d be pulling the invisible safety cords, then making the *happy *happy face followed by AAAGH!! I’M TRAPPED INSIDE THIS INVISIBLE GLASS CASE followed by ..but I just pulled myself out of it with this invisible rope…

More good reasons:
1. Would get mimes away from our parks and waterways, where they’re really more of a nuisance than anything else.
2. Would get mimes out of our bars and taverns, places we never should have allowed them in the first place. A crowd of mimes around a bar, drinking? That‘s never a good thing.
3. Would knock the mime unemployment rate down to single digits. Much more manageable.
4. Do you sell berets and/or striped shirts? Welcome to #boomtown.
5. “Mime for Hire” in-flight services. “Hi, ‘Mime for Hire?’ Yes, I’d like to hire a mime for a private showing at seat 15C. Yes, the screaming toddler. How much? $200? Done.”

And as if that weren’t enough, I found myself flying to Pittsburgh shortly thereafter for work…

I don’t fly much, so going to Pittsburgh for work barely a month after a trip to FLA is a special thrill — like stubbing a toe or accidentally stapling something to your thumb.

And I’m proud, since all those fancy ‘self help’ infomercials are always talking about how important it is to be ‘proactive,’ that I took the initiative to approach the flight crew and offer my #mime services for the in-flight safety demo as I got on the plane.

“We can’t afford you,” said the co-pilot, sarcastically. “You can’t afford to NOT have me do this,” I shot back cleverly. Then, I adjusted my beret and gave him a little ‘invisible glass case’ action while the flight attendant looked over my shoulder and motioned nervously towards the cockpit.

And now I’m pretty sure the guy in 12C is an Air Marshall — he keeps staring. But it could be this clown nose. Or the wig…

File under: “Entertainment is where you find it…”

 

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Posted in: Marginalia