Sexist Blog Post Offending Every Woman Who Reads It, Sources Report

Posted on July 5, 2012

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A blog post made headlines Thursday when it began spontaneously generating its own sexist content and offending every female to come in contact with it.

The post’s author, who chose to remain anonymous, apologized for the lack of oversight but explained to authorities that his original non-sexist post had been compromised, its words randomly deleted and re-arranged with the unintended effect being that I can totally see your nipples through that shirt.

“I DIDN’T WRITE THAT!” railed the author, livid that his original fake-news post about Wolf Blitzer’s beard had been corrupted to say that I find you incredibly attractive and I’d like to have sex with you tonight and then lie in bed tomorrow morning and watch TV while you make me pancakes and clean my apartment. He continued by pleading with his creation not to embarrass him or make it look like I just can’t believe how your tits push against that fabric. It’s driving me crazy!

The post couldn’t be reached for comment as it was too busy trying to decide if you’re a natural blond or not. Later, after being asked again, the post was willing to get specific:

“Why don’t you put some of that bounce in the dryer?” the post asked, leering suggestively at your cleavage and trying to imagine what you look like naked. “We should get out of here,” it continued “and go someplace dark. You like dark places, don’t you?”

The post closed by saying it’ll be at the Red Devil Lounge later tonight. “Meet me in the back,” it hissed “and bring some friends.”

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Posted in: Marginalia